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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Andy's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, September 10th, 2008
11:58 pm
Help, I need whisky

I need some help!
From an Oxford residentCollapse )

Current Mood: bouncy
Sunday, September 7th, 2008
1:28 am
Erm I think they missed something
    Written in the intro to my loft ladder installation instructions "Do not attempt to install the loft ladder if the instructions are missing" hmm how would I know this :-)

Current Mood: amused
Saturday, August 30th, 2008
12:14 am
A disaster in DIY

Skip this if you never paint a wall!

<lj-cut text="Masking tape and Dulux kitchen paint">

OK so I painted the walls and the ceiling, it looked good but with a few minor slips where the blue wall paint got on the white coving. So I followed my normal practise and masking taped of the wall, prior to touching up the slips on the coving with white emulsion, this normally results in a perfect clean line between the two colours.......

So I pulled of the masking tape.....

Cue the drums for the perfect finish.......



Now I know. The Dulux range of "Kitchen" "grease and stain resistant" paint has a draw back, that is that it contains a certain amount of oil and does not therefore bond to emulsion undercoats with a greater strength than that of masking tape glue.....


Current Mood: amused
Saturday, July 12th, 2008
11:53 pm
Thursday, May 29th, 2008
2:06 pm
Defrag Dos
Anyone know where I can find a Defrag program for DOS ver5?
Monday, December 31st, 2007
1:36 pm
Please don't send me text messages!
Happy New Year, everyone - but please don't send me an sms to wish me happy new year! It costs a fortune to receive them and I'm nearly bankrupt after the happy Christmas texts came in.

Net access, Skype, email are all on the blink at the moment, so sorry if you don't get new years wishes from me.

("Hang on, Hendybear", you cry "how are you posting this if your net access is down?"


Or, alternatively, an expensive text message to someone else who's temporarily pretending to be me.)
Friday, July 13th, 2007
12:23 pm
If you where to have told me ten years ago that Boris Johnson and Red Ken would be going head to head for the mayor of London I would have laughed my socks of at the sheer comedy of the idea...

What happened to the world?


Current Mood: amused
Sunday, July 1st, 2007
1:04 am
Seasick Steve is playing the zodiac! I have my ticket do you have yours?


This guy is great!

For a taster try http://www.seasicksteve.com/ or to sea(groan) how I first got interested try http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNoPNC3ebYQ

Current Mood: bouncy
Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
10:44 pm
A long time ago I ranted about biased reporting by the BBC, in a post on September the 5th 2006. In this post I stated

"If you take a look at the Nimrod from a civilian point of view it should have been replaced 15 years ago, however the end of the cold war meant a drastic cut in military spending, end result is the our armed forces make do with what they have."

Tomorrow night Panorama is reporting on the state of the aircraft in question.


I shall be watching this program with interest, note that in my post I did not mention anything specific to the aircraft as I am bound by the official secrets act, I shall be very interested to see what now enters the public domain.

Current Mood: Interested
Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007
1:36 am
bugger it!
How is it that I can read peotry so well, and at the same time struggle to write it?

Damm it I even have my muse, I just can't seem to get it to flow.

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, April 29th, 2007
11:59 pm
Bloody hell, on my drive back from Oxford to Cam earlier today I got stuck in a tail back, I was travelling down a well maintained A road, in perfect driving conditions, the cause, an ASDA lorry driving at 40 MPH, I was cursing the driver until it was my turn to overtake. When I read on the back of the HGV the following:-

ASDA Safe driving

This vehicle will travel at

40MPH on Single carriageway
50MPH on dual carriageway
60MPH on motorways

For f**ks sake now ALL motorist are going to have their speed dictated by corporate policy.

I can't argue with ASDA's logic if you drive slower, it is safer, however this logic if taken to extremes means that we would all drive at walking pace. Life has risks, we except them, there is a balance to be drawn between risk/common sense. In my opinion ASDA have got this badly wrong... I will not be shopping at ASDA until this hair brained policy has been changed.

Current Mood: pissed off
Thursday, March 29th, 2007
10:45 pm
ISP Advice needed
OK I need a new ADSL ISP for Cambridge, mainly because Tiscali keep blocking ports/shaping my bandwidth when I am using P2P.

Any suggestion for an ISP that Doesn't block ports?

Current Mood: sleepy
Sunday, February 18th, 2007
2:14 am
Unwritten rules of the road
I was in the office this week with a bunch of my staff, one of whom was bitching about lorry drivers flashing their lights all the time. No one in the office disagreed with him, I was horrified to realise that no one in the office seemed to realise that the light flashes have a purpose.

Maybe I am naive, but I assumed everyone that had driven significant miles on UK roads new the unwritten rules... It turns out I was wrong.

When I am less drunk/tired I will post the rules, I have tried to write them tonight but my explanations aren’t clear enough. As the understanding of these rules can make the difference between being a considerate driver or a major accident, I don't think a half baked explanation would be a good idea!
Sunday, January 7th, 2007
2:54 am
Bullet points

Love Life:- BIG F**king Grin.

Work Life:- Stressful but on the whole BIG F**king Grin.

Misc not covered by the above:- BIG F**king Grin.

Family :- Hmm will have to reserve Judgment.

In Short HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL. Mine seems to be on balance going well! Of course item 1 may be clouding my views on the rest ;).

Current Mood: happy
Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
12:48 pm
9.30 Bounce Bounce

10.30 Bounce

11.30 Thumping headache

I may need to do something about my Caffeine levels...

Current Mood: tired
Saturday, December 30th, 2006
2:56 am
Saturday night! People needed!

I am at home in Oxford, I have a Jez in residene and hopefully tomorow night a Roo and Andie as well, this is a cordial invite to all to visit on Saturday night, I have no plan at this point other than to gather friends in a hospitipal location!

Please Help!

Feel free to pass this on to anyone you feel knows Jez/Andie/Roo or myself.

PS It goes without saying that this invite comes with bribes of wine/whisky/cheese/games attached.

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, December 17th, 2006
2:42 am
Help needed
"regrets I have a few" comes from somewhere, WHERE? To tired to wade through the Google hits.
Monday, November 27th, 2006
1:24 am
Crossed wires
My Very ickle second cousin asks my mother for help in creating a fancy dress costume, in this case she wants to become a Christmas pudding, my mother phones my Aunt to enlist her help, and leaves the following message on her answer phone

“Hi Nesta, it’s Magie, Olivia would like to be turned into a Christmas pudding can you help?”

Two days latter my mother rings Nesta again to ask why she hasn’t responded to the answer phone message, to which Nesta replies "I don’t have an answer phone"……..

So the question is if you got the above message on your answer phone how would you react  .

PS as an addition to yesterdays post, this morning me and the hatted one recieved flowers from grateful parents!

Current Mood: amused
Sunday, November 26th, 2006
1:59 am
Good Deed Done
Ok so it's midnight me and the hatted one are talking and there are a lot of raised voices in the street, we ignore it to start with, but then I open the door to take a look. I am presented with the sight of a person on the other side of the street lying on the ground and being kicked by three people. I cross the street shouting in my best intimidating fashion OY. After some confusion with some minor voiloence I manage to seperate the two groups, one group heads of down the road and the other consisting of two teenage girls I steer into Little Shop( After souting to frances to open the door ).

They are pretty shaken up, having just been mugged, we calm them down and cancel the mobile that has been stolen and then call a taxi to them home.

Job Done.

Good dead complete.

Current Mood: accomplished
Thursday, November 16th, 2006
11:25 pm
The Social experiment.
To get from my house to the local shop I have to go down an unlit path alongside the park, this is generally where the local “hoodies” gather( known here after as “subjects”) and sit on the swings, as the evenings have drawn in and the weather has got colder I have taken to wearing my great coat, I also habitually wear Chelsea boots with leather soles.

The effect I seem to have on them is amusing/startling, in the dark only my outline can be seen and the rhythmic beat of my leather soled shoes sounds out loudly. Far from the normal tabloid paper hype I seem to intimidate them rather than the other way round  Comments I have over heard “Fuck, who was that” and “shit he’s scary” make me laugh (not out loud of course that would ruin my “Rep”).

So over the last two nights I have embarked upon a series of experiments to see what else I could do to reverse the tabloid norm….

Experiment 1. 15-11-2006

Prep: Fold up collar of coat to conceal face, borrow Zippo from colleague.

The experiment: Getting within ten yards and then pausing in deep shadow to light a cigarette, without revealing face.

Result: Immediate and total killing of all conversation from said “hoodies”. GRIN. Muted muttering heard after my passing.

Experiment 2. 16-11-2006

Prep: Wear coat with collar folded up.

The experiment: I go to the shop and do nothing (control run), constant chatter observed from subjects. On my return as I approached two members of the subject group detached themselves from the rest and started up the path before me. As I walk a make sure my leather clad feet strike a suitably constant and rhythmic note on the concrete. I altered my speed by a small margin after following for 10 yards.

Result: Consistent Pace, 1 subject gives a nervous glance over shoulder. Increase to pace, both subjects glance over their shoulders and increase their speed markedly.

So for the sake of scientific consistency I shall only perform these experiments on week days as social patterns change for the weekends. This means I have three days in which to think of my next experiment…… Suggestions welcome, or at least those that won’t get me arrested/beaten up!

EDIT: I feel this Experiment needs a better title, Suggestions?

Current Mood: enthralled
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